‘Listuary’ Part Four

List Prompts 22-25

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22. Turkey remains:  F Scott Fitzgerald suggested ways to ‘inter’ turkey remains in a list of spoof recipes. These include

• Turkey Cocktail: To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of angostura bitters. Shake.

• Turkey a la crème: Prepare the crème a day in advance. Deluge the turkey with it and cook for six days over a blast furnace. Wrap it in fly paper and serve.

  from Shaun Usher (2014) Lists of Note London: Canongate & Unbound

  And so it goes on. Your list could be as ridiculous, or it could reflect our lockdown days: recipes for using potato; recipes for using up the things you have found at the back of the cupboard…

23. On the move. How I like to be active: how do you like to exercise? What have you tried over the years? Make the list!

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24. Sei Shonagon’s Pillow Book, her notes and observations of the Chinese court, is full of intriguing lists: Awkward Things; Hateful Things; Splendid Things; Things that Arouse a Fond Memory of the Past; Things that Make One’s Heart Beat Faster; Adorable Things; Things that Have Lost Their Power. 

Here are two examples:

• Things That Give a Clean Feeling: An earthen cup. A new metal bowl. A rush mat. The play of the light on water as one pours it into a vessel. A new wooden chest.

• Things That Give an Unclean Feeling: A rat's nest. Someone who is late in washing his hands in the morning. White snivel, and children who sniffle as they walk. The containers used for oil. Little sparrows. A person who does not bathe for a long time even though the weather is hot. All faded clothes give me an unclean feeling, especially those that have glossy colours.

Write your own lists. Choose your own categories.

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25. Raymond Chandler’s Similes; Raymond Chandler’s novels are characterised by his smart language, the slick turn of phrase. He kept lists of similes and one liners to draw upon when he needed them. Have a go at your own list. Imitate Chandler’s style, or write in a style of your own.

As noiseless as a finger in a glove.

As about as French as a doughnut (i.e. not French at all)

His face was long enough to wrap twice around his neck.

A nose like a straphanger’s elbow.

As clean as an angel’s neck.

Smart as a hole through nothing

So tight his head squeaks when he takes his hat off

He sipped like a hummingbird drinking dew from a curled leaf

A thread smile

As cute as a washtub

A great long gallows of a man with a ravaged face and a haggard eye.

from Shaun Usher (2014) Lists of Note London: Canongate & Unbound